How Women Can Create Community Together
A Q&A with Registered Psychotherapist Beth Lewis
We spoke to Registered Psychotherapist Beth Lewis about women, community, and mental health.
Beth offers specialized services for individuals 18 years of age and older. Beth works with women and mothers as they cope with stressful situations and difficult life events including pregnancy, infant loss, and motherhood challenges.
“Community is an essential part of our lives and wellbeing. We need small circles of close people, but also larger, more distant connections as well.”
We have all felt lost, isolated, or lonely at times. We may have even looked at the groups around us and wondered where we belong. It could be that we are still feeling the effects of the pandemic, we are moving to a new place, or we live somewhere we feel we don’t fit in.
We talked with Associate Therapist and women’s retreat leader Beth Lewis, to explore the power a community of women can offer in a world that sometimes seems to want to pit us against each other.
In her four day retreats, Beth building community by creating a space of safety and connection which she describes as, “a place I go where my heart is most open.”
Q: Why is community important?
“Community is key.”
When we can be held, seen, and loved in our wounds and shame, it’s transformative. Each woman has an opportunity to do their individual work while being in community that offers them new learnings and the potential for shifts and change. There’s resonance in witnessing other people’s unique struggles, listening to what they’re saying and noticing the ways that our journeys are similar.
Q: How can retreats build community?
Individuals seek out retreats for the experience and shifts they provide that they may not receive on their own.
Beth’s retreats use various techniques and approaches to build community. One of these approaches is dyads where individuals can talk one-on-one, and share in a nonjudgmental space. This safety is created through community building, and from a covenant:
I WILL STAY PRESENT
I WILL KEEP CONFIDENTIALITY
I WILL HOLD GOODWILL
I WILL BE GENEROUS
At a retreat, people are anticipating connections and are already there with clear goals, but the same lessons can be used for building your own community of women in your area, or strengthening the bonds in your friend group.
“There’s resonance in witnessing other people’s unique struggles, listening to what they’re saying and noticing the ways that their journeys are similar.”
Q: How can we create the right community space for women?
Strategies shared from Beth.
Turning off the competitiveness and creating a space where women trust each other can be hard. Even with our closest friends, how often have we compared ourselves, or asked how they were doing because hearing about their struggles might lessen our own? It takes time, and it takes the right people, but there are important things to keep in mind throughout the process, based on Beth’s experience:
SAFETY
You can’t force vulnerability from others, but you can help foster a holding space where women feel heard and not judged.
HOLD SPACE
Building a community means being there to witness the experience without trying to offer advice. We are the experts of our own experiences, but it’s rare to be treated as such.
BE VULNERABLE
While vulnerability may mean different things to different communities, it’s important to be able to express our feelings, whether they are positive or negative. While self expression may show up differently in a community group versus a circle of friends, it allows us to build honesty, empathy, and stronger bonds. Sound intriguing? Take a look at this Ted Talk from Brené Brown titled “The Power of Vulnerability”.
COMMUNITY ISN’T ALWAYS WHAT YOU EXPECT
The people you spend the most time with, may not be your community, and that’s okay. Just because you see your co-workers everyday doesn’t mean they have to be your community. Your community may be online, or in another country, or waiting for you in the future. Take the time to strengthen your bonds and look for those moments of connection.
IT TAKES TIME
Finding and building a sustainable community is hard. You can’t force connection with people who don’t want to connect. You won’t always have time, time and energy to build a community. You can’t go to one dinner party and then ask the woman next to you to listen to your marriage problems or tell you about their fight with their children.
GO BEYOND THE SURFACE LEVEL
You can tailor this to your own space. If you’re part of an organization, get to know why people joined or what inspires them to spend time there. If it’s your friends, what have they been struggling with? What brings them joy? Small talk isn’t always as effective at building connection than asking more deeper, open ended questions.
Remind yourself why building community is vital.
Being a woman is hard and we have plenty of people telling us what we should do. Pay attention to who is doing the talking….and the listening.
Building community is crucial for women as it provides a platform for them to come together, support one another, and celebrate their unique experiences. By fostering a sense of belonging, women can create a safe space where they can freely express themselves, share their challenges, and seek guidance. Through this collective support, women can gain strength, resilience, and empowerment. Building a strong community not only uplifts individual women but also contributes to the overall well-being and progress of society. Together, women can break barriers, challenge stereotypes, and advocate for gender equality, creating a more inclusive and equitable world for all.
We offer a community of care.
Whether you're facing a current challenge, a past pain, or are simply feeling stuck in this phase of your life, we can help you to live the life you want with intention, mindfulness and balance.
We offer free 15 minute consultations.
Connect with us and let’s talk about how we can help you.
SOURCES:
Brené Brown “The Power of Vulnerability” (Ted Talk)
