Stigma vs Fact
Men’s Mental Health Edition
June is Men’s Health Month…
… a perfect time to shed light on a topic which often goes overlooked. While men and women experience many of the same mental health difficulties, the unique challenges men experience and their willingness to talk about these challenges are very different.
Everyone has important men in their lives. Fathers, partners, sons, brothers, uncles, and friends. Their health matters to us. They’re why we need to have a conversation about their mental health — because they’re not talking about it enough.
The facts and stats about men and mental health.
How many times have you asked your significant other or male friend how they are “really doing” and they simply respond, “I’m fine.” “Everything is okay.” But the reality is, it is NOT OKAY.
DID YOU KNOW?
Men die younger.
Have more chronic illnesses
10 x more hernias
5x more aortic aneurysms
3x more kidney stones and bladder cancer.
Men are more likely to suffer from depression and anxiety.
According to the Canadian Men's Health Foundation, approximately 1 MILLION men suffer from major depression in Canada each year
Yet men are 3x less likely to seek professional services (only 30% of people who use mental health services are men)
Men are around 3x more likely to experience addiction and substance abuse (compared to women).
Men account for more than 75% of suicides in Canada.
That’s an average of 50 men per week dying by suicide in Canada
1 in 10 men will experience significant mental health challenges but less than half will receive treatment
63% of 19-34 year old Canadian men experience loneliness and isolation
More than a quarter indicate that they have no close friends
I in 10 dads experience ‘paternal’ prenatal and postpartum depression and anxiety
After age 40, some men develop depression, loss of sex drive, and other symptoms which is referred to as ‘male menopause’ or andropause
Gay men have higher rates of depression, anxiety, suicidality, self-harm, and abuse than straight men.
There is still a perceived stigma surround mental illness and ‘being a real man’.
Men often - but not always - try to be ‘strong and stoic’ by trying to ‘control’ the problem or ‘avoid’ the problem while women are more likely to express their feelings and reach out for social support.
Struggling with mental health challenges can be very lonely but men feel more isolated due to perceived 'stigmas' associated with mental health. As a result - and made obvious by the statistics - social 'norms' and stereotypes have made it difficult for men to reach out and discuss their feelings of sadness, anxiety or depression.
But suffering in silence isn’t a safe or healthy option for the men in our lives We need to talk opening about mental health and normalize that we’re all human. So, in honour of men’s health month, we want to break down some common stigmas about men and mental health that exist.
STIGMA: “ Having negative feelings is a weakness and a flaw in my character.”
FACT: Emotions - both positive and negative - are a part of human functioning.
Emotions play an important role in our survival. They can indicate when we are safe (love, joy, happiness) and when we need to be in survival mode (anger, anxiety, sadness). They help us notice danger when we’re walking home at night, but can malfunction: like feeling anxious when we’re meeting friends at a party. We don’t want our emotions to go away and we can’t completely control them either. What we can do in therapy is learn better ways to self-regulate and work on the unhelpful thoughts and behaviors that make us feel depressed and anxious when there’s no danger.
STIGMA: “ I don’t need to talk to a therapist. There’s nothing wrong with me.”
FACT: There is nothing wrong with anyone who goes to therapy.
Everyday people go to therapy for a wide range of reasons.
Yes, psychotherapy is a treatment for people who struggle with mental health challenges - like grief and burnout - or specific mental illnesses - like OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) or Schizophrenia.
Other people may also go to therapy to cope with a change in their lives - like a new baby or the loss of a loved one. Whereas, other people may want to learn new problem solving skills - like healthy communication or conflict resolution.
Some people go to therapy because although they are high-functioning - able to go through the motions of everyday life like go to work, pick up the kids and cook dinner - they hide all their frustration and stress on the inside, and frequently suffer from burnout.
We all have our challenges and sure, you can survive the day, but why not try to thrive instead? You don’t have to be constantly struggling, at your wits end, or in danger to go to therapy. Even the world’s most successful people - including top athletes and celebrities - need someone to talk to. Going to therapy doesn’t mean you’re a failure, it just means that you are looking for some guidance and tools to deal with life’s challenges when they arise.
“ You’re not alone. You’re not the first to go through it. You’re not going to be the last to go through it.”
DWAYNE JOHNSON
STIGMA: “ Therapy is all about talking about your emotions and your childhood.”
FACT: There are many types of therapy and you don’t need to talk about anything you don’t want to.
As we discussed, everyday people go to therapy for different reasons. While some people may need to address their past because it is relevant in resolving ongoing issues, other people just need practical solutions to help them get through a current challenge or difficult experience.
And there are many types of therapy for this reason. Each type of therapy uses specific techniques and tools to support people based on their symptoms and goals.
For example: There are ‘goal-orientated’ therapies like SFT (Solution-Focused Therapy) and CBT(Cognitive-Behavioural Therapy), which focus on what can be resolved in the present. These therapies have been shown to scientifically improve symptoms of depression, anxiety, trauma, chronic pain and much more.
Whereas, an ‘integrative psychotherapy approach’ like EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization And Reprocessing) Therapy incorporates elements from different treatment approaches to help the brain reprocess trapped memories from the past. Therapists often use EMDR to help clients uncover and process beliefs that developed as a result of relational traumas, or childhood abuse and/or neglect.
STIGMA: “All therapy is the same. I tried it before and it didn’t work.”
FACT: Just because one type of therapy may not work for you, another might.
There are many kinds of therapy, many kinds of approaches and many therapists to choose from. A big step is just recognizing that you may need some support. When you are ready to try therapy, take the time to “research and interview” some potential therapists. Many reputable therapists offer free consultations so you can see whether or not they are the right fit for you.
As mentioned, different therapists specialize in different areas and even two therapists who do the same type of therapy may have different approaches. Talking about what will work for you and what your specific goals are is part of this “interview” process.
For example, for those dealing with anxious thoughts, CBT (Cognitive-Behavioural Therapy) will be more helpful than EFT(Emotion-Focused Therapy). However, if you want to tap into your emotions and make sense of them, then EFT may be more helpful.
Don’t be afraid to speak up or ‘shop around’ until you feel comfortable about moving forward.
STIGMA: “ I just need to tough it out.”
FACT: Everyone has challenges in life, but that doesn’t mean you need to tough it out on your own.”
It’s true. We all have hard times in life and we don’t always feel great all the time. And while tough times can help us build resilience and learn more about ourselves, it doesn’t mean we have to go through our challenges alone.
If you notice that your usual methods of dealing with life’s stressors are not working or you find yourself struggling with day to day activities, it may be time to talk to someone. Athletes go to trainers when their routines are not working and they want to maximize their performance. The same thing can happen with therapy. Therapy can help you discover better systems to put in place that will work for you. Look at it this way, if a hammer isn’t working to screw in the table legs, you don’t hammer harder, you need a different (more suitable) tool to accomplish the task.
How to support men’s mental health
So what do you do if you are worried about a male partner, family member, or friend?
Here are some tips from the Canadian Red Cross to consider:
Be present: let him know you are here for him and care about him.
Voice your concerns: if you know him well, start a conversation about changes you have observed in him.
Be receptive: remember to be empathic, patient, and non-judgmental.
Encourage him to seek further help: seeing a health professional, for example.
Don’t try to “fix” them: listen, acknowledge and point him towards resources.
Gentle reminders
It’s okay to talk about your feelings.
It’s okay to take a break.
It’s okay to make mistakes.
It’s okay to talk about your problems.
It;s okay to be vulnerable.
It’s okay to let friends know you are not okay.
It’s okay to ask for help.
It’s okay to cry.
It’s okay to not have it all under control.
It’s okay to not have it all figured out.
It’s okay to go to therapy.
Connect with a community of care.
It’s difficult to stand by and watch someone we care about struggle. However, it is not up to you to ‘fix’ your loved one’s mental health.
While we all want to do is help, it’s up to each individual to recognize and then actively participate in maintaining their health - both physically and mentally. There are many great resources that are available that you can point the men in your life towards.
Here are some to consider:
The Canadian Men’s Health Foundation
A national, registered charity that provides information, tools, and motivation for men and their families to live healthier. Check out their Men's Health Check, a FREE, confidential online health tool that helps the man in your life take control of their health with this assessment. Find out if their health is at risk and which lifestyle changes will have the biggest impact.
An online, anonymous resource specifically designed for men, and their families, to prevent the continued erosion of men’s mental health and deaths by suicide.
Movember looks at mental health through a male lens, focusing on prevention, early intervention, and health promotion.
A participant-led community for men’s health and wellness
We offer a community of care.
Whether you're facing a current challenge, a past pain, or are simply feeling stuck in this phase of your life, we can help you to live the life you want with intention, mindfulness and balance.
We offer free 15 minute consultations.
Connect with us and let’s talk about how we can help you.
SOURCES:
The Canadian Men’s Health Foundation Resources for men and their families
Canadian Red Cross Mental health and men: how to support your loved ones
Statistics Canada Men’s mental health: How are Canadian men doing?
Mental Health Commission of Canada Men’s Mental Health and Suicide in Canada
CBC News Alarming numbers around men’s mental health indicate need for national response
EMDR International Association Learn more about EMDR
